When my son was around six we took him to a functional medicine doctor specializing in autism.  After an initial visit which included blood work and my son getting lost for a solid five minutes, we met again to discuss results and a treatment plan. 

Long story short, this plan included having him take a ton of vitamins and supplements.  If your child is a picky eater with sensory issues (like my own), you know that getting them to try anything new…even if it’s a cherry flavored vitamin wrapped in bacon…is a huge ordeal.  But this doctor, like many well meaning providers, prescribes a plan of action and then leaves you to your own devices to make it happen.  

Ok, but how? Don’t you know the type of child I am dealing with?

For a child with autism implementing a change of any kind can be a full time job for the caregiver.  On top of that are often a number of treatments and supports that you are told your child will need.  No wonder parents of neurodivergent children are overwhelmed. It’s not just as simple as “have him take these four vitamins and call it a day”.

Essentially, parents of neurodivergent kiddos not only have a ton more things on their “parenting to do list” than parents of neurotypical children, but they encounter significantly more challenges on the road to actually getting those things done.

That’s why Debbie Reber, of the Tilt Parenting online community, writes in her book Differently Wired, that “those of us raising differently wired kids are engaged in a more extreme form of child-rearing.  I like to think of us as the base jumpers or wingsuit flyers of parenting.  It’s messier, more intense, and relentless”.

So how can you support yourself when creating a new routine for your child, so that you aren’t left emotionally depleted?

First, take a moment and acknowledge that creating a new habit is (most likely) going to be hard, time consuming, and probably won’t go as planned.  That’s ok. Nothing is wrong.  Stops, starts, and iterations are normal parts of the habit forming process.

Second, give yourself compassion.  Lots of it.  This will support your emotional wellbeing which in turn will influence how you show up when implementing a change.  Remind yourself that you are in the extreme sport category of parenting.

Third, determine how important to you actually making this change is.  There are hundreds of treatments, therapies, and interventions out there designed to support children with ASD.  As the parent or caregiver you are the one who decides whether or not to move forward.  Asking yourself the following questions can help provide clarity:

1. Why is implementing this habit or intervention important to me?  

2. What do I envision will be different as a result of implementing this habit or intervention? 

3. How much dysregulation do I anticipate this new habit or intervention will create for myself and my child? 

4. How will I manage stress (for myself and for my child) during this process?

Getting clear as to why you are making the change and having a plan for what to do when challenges arise, will increase your confidence and resilience. These feelings will ultimately support you in working in reaching your desired outcome.

Of course, if you would like more support in this area, don’t hesitate to reach out!